Spend Time With Your Wife

Posted on April 17, 2012 by

Spend Time With Your Wife

www.spendtimewithyourwife.com

Really an article entitled “Spend Time With Your Wife”?

Yep.

I have actually had a number of idiot husbands in really bad marriages tell me that they did not have any time that they could spend with their wives. Sometimes the knucklehead says this to me, right in front of his wife.

“I do not have any time for my wife.”

“I do not have four hours a week to spend with my wife.”

“I do not have time to spend 15 minutes a day, 5 days a week  to talk with my wife about her day.”

“I do not have time to eat dinner with my family – even once a week.” (I was the idiot husband who said that to my wife, while we were church planting in MN).

I have heard guys in really bad marriages say those four statements above and many more statements like them.

I Do Not Have Any Time So How Can I Spend Time With My Wife?

I knew that you were going to say that. So I have already written an article entitled “Everybody Has Time.” Yep, I saw you coming.

If you are really trying to say that you do not have any time, do two things -

#1 Read www.everybodyhastime.com and

#2 Zip up your pants in the front, because this is “Big Boy Marriage” and excuses that an eight year old would try to use, do not cut it here.

You Have Time…

You have time. If you are not willing to spend time with your wife, please have the guts to set her free to find a man who values her enough to actually spend time with her.

If you have not been spending time with your wife, I hope this article is a wake up call.

Aren’t You Coming On a Little Strong There Steven?

Perhaps I am. At this point in my journey, I now know how much pain and suffering I brought to my wife’s journey by not being willing to spend time with her, and it pains me to see husbands hurting their wives the way I hurt Gayla.

Okay – Full Disclosure… I also do not like it when someone tells me that they “don’t have time.” I am just not fond of that excuse. I now return you to your original programming.

Spend Some Of Your Time With Your Wife

If you want your wife to feel cared for, you need to spend time with her each week and maybe (likely) each day.

If you are not sure whether or not you actually want your wife to feel cared for by you,  read this Great Marriage article – “Do You Want Your Wife To Feel Cared For? www.doyouwantyourwifetofeelcaredfor.com

Okay I will Spend Time With My Wife, What Next?

In my professional and personal opinion, there are three specific ways that wives long for their husbands to spend time with them. It is likely that your wife will be hungrier for one of these over the other two, however, in my opinion, the sooner you spend time with your wife in each the three ways suggested below, the better!

#1 Just Listen to Her

Wives love it when you listen to them.  Take 10 minutes a day, say maybe 4-5 days a week and ask her about her day. Here’s the trick – Make sure that you are ready to really listen.  Put your phone down and turn off the TV and actually listen. Be interested in what she has to say.

In the Life Change classic The Road Less Traveled M. Scott Peck talks about the “Work of Attention.” I know first hand that really listening to someone is work that takes effort. Your wife is worth it! Put the work in!

#2 Just Be In Her Presence

Many times Gayla would want me to simply be around her and our kids.  Being a neurotic workaholic who was very committed to Performance Based Acceptance, I would ask her “What do you want me to do?” For the longest time, her answer of “Nothing, Just be with me” did not even compute. I did not know what “just be with me” meant. I was one sick puppy.

To help the situation, sometimes when Gayla would ask me to “just be with” her, I would say, “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?” I have since discovered that raising your voice to your wife does not actually improve a troubled marriage.

So, if you are confused by what your wife means when she says “just spend time with me,” let me translate.

To start – once or  twice a week, go find your wife and invest 15 whole minutes just hanging out where she is.

Maybe take a book or a newspaper or a magazine. Say sometime along the lines of this to her – “Hey sweetheart, can I join you? I was just wanting to spend sometime in your presence.”

If she is gardening, ask her if there is anything you can do to help her.

If she is washing the dishes, waltz into the room and say “There you are! I was looking for you. I wanted to spend a few minutes with you. How about I help you with those dishes?”

I understand, some you just laughed out loud in disgust, or derision. There was a time that I would have done the same.

Trust me, stuff like that, done regularly, consistently, (not just once) and sincerely, really pays off.

#3 Take Your Wife On a “Date”

If you have a tough marriage and if you want your wife to feel cared for, do NOT start with #3. Earn a little credibility first.

Once you wife starts to believe that you might actually want her to feel cared for by you, then it is likely that she might like your starting to regularly (Monthly? Weekly?) take her on a “date.”

Remember the purpose of this “date” is not so you can get “lucky” later that night, but so you can spend time with your wife as a way to help her feel cared for by you.

I say “date” in quotes because I am not talking about spending money. If you can afford to take your wife on a more traditional date, go for it!

If you can’t afford to take your wife on a traditional date, be creative, go with her to coffee, go for a walk with her.

Spend time with her, doing something out of the house with her, that SHE enjoys. I know that you may love spending an hour or four at Cabelas. If your wife does as well, great! If not, keep on thinking.

I am Pulling For You and Your Marriage

If I can be of any assistance or encouragement, my marriage email address is battleforagreatmarriage@gmail.com.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.spendtimewithyourwife.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com.

God bless,

Pastor Steven

Posted in Care For Your Wife, Do You Feel Cared For by Your Husband?, Does Your Wife Feel Cared by You? | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Care For Your Wife – It Takes More than Food and Water

Posted on March 29, 2012 by

Care For Your Wife – It Takes More than Food and Water

www.ittakesmorethanfoodandwater.com

Often when you talk with a husband about caring for his wife, you will hear him talk about how “hard” he works at his job/career/business.

Husbands who work to earn money and provide for their families do a wonderful and honorable activity.

The sad thing is that rarely do wives feel cared for by their husband’s “hard work.” It is even sadder when husbands think that “hard work” alone should be enough to help their wives feel cared for.

Hard Work Is Not Enough

Often husbands “work hard” to provide materials things for their families. I have great appreciation for husbands who do that. I have been involved in situations where the husband does not work to provide for his family and that is an awful challenge to face.

That being said, please know that when is comes to caring for a wife, “hard work” invested toward earning money is not enough.

  

Chained Up In The Backyard, Given Food and Water and Ignored

Once when I was working with a couple and we were having a tense counseling session, a painful, powerful image came to me.

The wife in this relationship did not feel cared for by her husband. Given what I had experienced of the husband, this made perfect sense to me.  At that point in that marriage, I would not have wanted to be the wife.

When the topic of caring for your wife came up, the husband was quick to say that he worked very “hard” (doing things related to earning money) and he implied that that should be enough.

The image that came to my mind was a dog chained up in the backyard who desperately wants to have someone pay attention to him and play with him.

Every couple of days the owner of the dog comes out to the backyard for a few brief minutes to refill the dog’s food and water dishes.

When the owner appears, the dog makes it clear that he is lonely and wants attention. The dog even drops a frisbee at the feet of the owner. This dog loves belong taken to the park and have someone play frisbee with him.

Most times the owner says to the dog – “Hey now, I do not have for time something like frisbee at the park, I am working really hard to earn money so I can provide this food and water and this backyard you get to live in.”

The rare times that the owner does spend a few brief minutes with the dog, the owner does something that the owner likes, not something that the dog likes.

The owner does not throw the frisbee. He throws a tennis ball and then expects that the dog will be incredibly grateful. After all, he is busy working “real hard” and he does not have time to do what really blesses the dog…

I have met many wives who feel exactly like that dog. There was a time that my wife Gayla felt the same way.

If you are a husband and if your wife feels like dog in the story above, change.

To paraphrase Colin Cowherd, “This is Big Boy Marriage.” It is time to grow up, and change and get your stuff together and become the kind of husband who cares for his wife in ways that speak to her heart.

Your wife deserves to feel cared for by her husband. Have the guts to begin that journey.

If you are not willing to pay the price and do the work  needed to become wholer and learn how to care for your wife, have the guts to set her free, so she can find a man who will do the work of caring for her.

I am Pulling For You and Your Marriage

If I can be of any assistance or encouragement, my marriage email address is battleforagreatmarriage@gmail.com.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.ittakesmorethanfoodandwater.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com.

God bless,

Pastor Steven

 

Posted in Care For Your Wife, Do You Feel Cared For by Your Husband?, Does Your Wife Feel Cared by You? | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Learn How to Care For Your Wife

Posted on February 15, 2012 by

Learn How to Care For Your Wife

www.LearnHowtoCareForYourWife.com

Many times I have been watching football with other guys and invariably someone will complain about the play calling. Someone will suggest that their team should run different plays than the coach is calling. Often when I hear what is suggested, I find myself agreeing.

It cracks me up that guys can come up with great ways to improve their favorite team and yet they seem clueless when it comes to doing what actually cares for their wives.

Guys who know football have invested effort into learning the game.

I am about to start my second year coaching on my son’s baseball team. Last year I had a blast being one of the coaches.  We had a great season! It is amazing to me how much I learned about baseball last year. Luckily we have a great head coach. Brian knows his baseball.

Guys who know baseball have invested effort into learning the game.

   

Guys who hunt have invested effort into learning how to hunt.

Guys who fish have invested effort into learning how to fish.

Guys who play golf have invested effort into learning how to golf.

If you have a wife who does not feel cared for by you, I challenge you to invest effort into figuring out what you can do that will help your wife feel cared for.

If you are not sure whether or not your wife feels cared for, check out this article – www.doesyourwifefeelcaredfor.com or ask your wife the worst marriage question - www.theworstmarriagequestion.com.

Learn

Even if you currently do not know how to help your wife feel cared for, you can learn what is effective with her.

You can learn to care for your wife…If you want to, and if you are willing to invest the effort.

Apply the same intensity attention and focus that you applied to learning football, or baseball, or hunting, or fishing or golf.

If you can catch fish, you can learn how to care for your wife.

If you have learned to golf you can learn how to care for your wife.

Really?

Yes really. It seems so basic. However I have run into many, many husbands who need to be told that they need to learn how to care for their wife. If this is you, consider yourself notified.

If you are ready to begin learning make sure that you do not talk in class.

  

Shut Up and Learn.

One of my favorite Portland Food Carts is Shut Up and Eat www.shutupandeatpdx.com

Sometime soon, I am going to post a review of this Great Portland Food Cart on my Food Cart website www.PortlandFoodCartAdventures.com. For now, let me tell you that this Food Cart makes amazing sandwiches -lots of meat, perfect bread, etc. Best of all, I like the brashness of the name.

If you really want to learn how to care for your wife, start your learning with a closed mouth.

Do NOT start your learning by going to your wife and asking her to teach you what to do. That will not work. If you have a less than Great Marriage, it is possible that she might already feel like she has to tell you what to do and having to teach you how to care for her, might possibly feel like another unwanted burden.

Please note – asking your wife what you can do today, to help her feel cared for, is not the same as asking your wife to provide you in-depth training on caring for her.

See www.CareForYourWifeStartWithThisQuestion.com for information on this Great Marriage tool.

Hopefully, you have begun asking your wife what you can do to help her feel cared for, and that has helped you to realize that you have a lot to learn about what helps your wife to feel cared for.

Your next step, is to start to pay attention and seek to discern what might actually help your wife to feel cared for. You can learn a lot by watching and listening with an open mind, a caring heart and a closed mouth.

Caring For My Wife – What I Learned.

I wish that my wife, Gayla felt cared for by me, by my giving her a back rub, or by taking her to a movie or making her a special dinner. I enjoy doing those things. Those things do not feel like work to me. For me – they do not take much effort.

Please do not misunderstand me, Gayla does enjoy and appreciate it when I do these things, however none of those things, leave her feeling deeply cared for by me.

Not only did I have to learn how to care for Gayla, I had to learn to put aside the things that I had thought would help her feel cared for.

I married Gayla on December 17th, 1994. If, on that day you had asked me what I could do over the next year to help Gayla feel cared for by me, I first would have been confused by the question. Eventually, If I had come up with an answer, I would not have been able to articulate what would be effective with my bride. The things that I would have said back then that I could do to help Gayla feel cared for , would not have actually helped her feel cared for.

The years rolled by – 5 years, 7 years, 10 years. Sadly, Gayla and I were married for more than 10 years before I figured out what I could do to help her feel cared for.

So What Helps Gayla Feel Cared For By Me?

Going for a walk with her (even if it cold outside), vacuuming the floor (something I did yesterday), doing the dishes, taking the time to ask her about her day, speaking tenderly to her, giving her a hug (a hug that is expressing genuine affection, not sexual desire), talking with her about the budget (even if it is ugly). These are some of the things I have learned that help my wife feel cared for by me.

What about your wife? I encourage you to learn how to care for your wife.

That’s it for this article. The next one— Care For Your Wife – It Takes More than Food and Water—will be posted soon!

Until then, please know that I am pulling for you and your marriage!

I am Pulling For You and Your Marriage

If I can be of any assistance or encouragement, my marriage email address is battleforagreatmarriage@gmail.com.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.LearnHowtoCareForYourWife.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com.

God bless,

Pastor Steven

Posted in Do You Feel Cared For by Your Husband?, Does Your Wife Feel Cared by You? | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Care For Your Wife—Start With This Question

Posted on February 10, 2012 by

Care For Your Wife—Start With This Question

www.CareForYourWifeStartWithThisQuestion.com

If you are a husband who has realized that your wife does not feel cared for by you and if you want her to feel cared for I suggest that you start with this question;

“What Can I Do To Help You Feel Cared For…?”

Ask your wife this question 8 times a week.

Ask #1 – Sunday morning ask your wife; “What can I do to help you feel cared for today?”

Ask #2 On Sunday evenings ask her this; “As you think about your schedule this upcoming week, what can I do to help you feel cared for? Is there anything coming up that I can do to assist you?”

Ask #3–#8 Then every day for the rest of the week on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday ask her; “What can I do to help you feel cared for today?”

Lather, Rinse and Repeat. Each week, just keep repeating the process as long as necessary.

Stuff You Need to Know…

If you are going to start asking your wife this question there are a few things that you need to know.

Her Initial Response May Be Negative

It is likely that the first handful of times that you ask your wife this question it is quite possible that her response will be less than postive. Don’t be surprised by this.

The longer it has been since your wife has felt cared for by you, the more likely that this question will result in her responding to you in an unpleasant way.

This question can bring a wife a lot of pain. It can pierce her heart. This question can remind her of all of the times that you have not cared for her.

When I first started asking Gayla this question it was not pretty. I had gone more than ten years living in such a way that Gayla did not feel cared for by me.

Let me clarify—for more than ten years Gayla did not feel cared for by her husband. Then one day I blurt out this question; “What can I do to help you feel cared for today?” It does not take a genius to figure out that she was skeptical, to say the least.

Don’t shocked by a negative response. If you take a risk and ask your wife; “What can I do to help you feel cared for today?” and her response is negative, say to yourself, “Golly! This is exactly what Pastor Steven told me would happen, that man is a genius!”

A future article in this Does Your Wife Feel Cared For series will be titled
“Forgiving Your Husband” and it will be written by wife Gayla. Until you can refer your wife to that article, man up and keep doing the right thing to battle for a great marriage.

Do Not Say Something Stupid

If you do ask her the “What can I do to help you feel cared for today?”question, and if her response the first couple of times is negative, do NOT say something stupid. Man up and help her feel cared for. Say this; “Honey, I am so sorry that you have gone for so long not feeling cared for by me.”

Delayed Intelligence 

Sometimes when I am asked a question, I come up with a great answer about 24 hours later. I call that delayed intelligence.

Sometimes when you ask your wife the question “What can I do to help you feel cared for…” her initial response might something along the lines of; “Nothin’, I am doing good.” Then later she will say; “Ah, there is something you can do.” You thought that you were off the hook and then once the game starts, here she comes with a request…

In the past, especially while we were living in MN (2001 – 2004), many times on a Sunday, as I was planning out my week, I would ask Gayla the question; “Is there anything coming up this week that you need my help with?” and she would say; “Nope, I am good, I have a pretty easy week coming up.” I would think; “Excellent! I can plan out my week and I do not have worry about Gayla coming along and messing up my schedule.” Au Contraire…

Later in the week, say on Thursday morning, Gayla would come to me and say; “Oops, I forgot that this event is happening tonight and I can use your help.” Right there was a chance for me to screw up. Sadly many times I did.

Rather than have a response that let her know that I truly did want her to feel cared for by me, I expressed intense frustration and disappointment. My unkind response left her feeling crushed and uncared for.

In my head I had a right to tell her how she was messing up my schedule. My week was all set, heck I had even asked on Sunday if she was going to need help from me this week. However, I often missed the point. If I truly wanted my wife to feel to feel cared for I would need to respond in a kind caring way, even if I could not help her because my Thursday evening was booked with some “very important” pastoral appointment that was going to help our church plant grow (this is what was often in my head), I could still respond in a kind caring way.

That brings us to an important question. Do you want your wife to feel cared for by you? www.doyouwantyourwifetofeelcaredfor.com

If you do want your wife to feel cared for, when she “messes up” and first says that she does not need your help and then later says; “You know, honey, I could use your help with ___” you need to respond in a caring way and supportive way that lets her know that you really do want her to feel cared for by you.

If you do want your wife to feel cared for, start with the question; “What Can I Do To Help You Feel Cared For?”

That’s it for this article. The next one—Learn How To Care For Your Wife—is now up – www.LearnHowtoCareForYourWife.com

I am Pulling For You and Your Marriage

If I can be of any assistance or encouragement, my marriage email address is battleforagreatmarriage@gmail.com.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at  www.CareForYourWifeStartWithThisQuestion.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com.

God bless,

Pastor Steven

Posted in Do You Feel Cared For by Your Husband?, Does Your Wife Feel Cared by You? | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Do You Want Your Wife to Feel Cared For?

Posted on January 30, 2012 by

Do You Want Your Wife To Feel Cared For?

www.doyouwantyourwifetofeelcaredfor.com

Another article for husbands.

Sometimes I encounter situations where it seems like the husband does not care whether or not his wife feels cared for by him.

I am aware that sometime husbands end up “hard hearted” and they reach a point in their journey  where they actually do not care whether or not their wife feels cared for by them.  Jesus referenced this condition in Matt 19:8 “Because of the hardness of your hearts…”

Most of time however when it seems that a husband does not care about his wife feeling cared for by him, what is really going on is that he feels incredibly discouraged about being able to do anything “good enough” to help his wife feel cared for.

When Gayla and I were at our darkest, I felt like I could not do anything right in her eyes, and that no matter what I did, she was pissed off at me, and unhappy with me.

Living with that kind of burden is exhausting and debilitating. I know, I have been there.

Men are wired to achieve and they yearn to know that they have what it takes to get the “job” done. When a man feels like no matter what he does that he can’t get the “job” done, he starts to shut down.

When the “job” they can’t get done, is having their wife feel cared for by them, husbands start to hide their hearts, because that kind of sense of failure is a weight that feels unbearably heavy.  It often feels easier to shut down and feel nothing. ( The healthy choice would be to grieve and feel that pain, however, rarely in a challenged marriage is the husband emotionally mature.)

I once heard a teacher ask the crowd “Are you happy?” The crowd replied with an exuberant, “Yes!” The teacher said, “Some of you who say that you are ‘happy,’ need to notify your face.”

In the same way, a husband can actually want his wife to feel to cared for by him, and live in such a way, that no one would ever know that.

If you have a challenged marriage, and your wife feeling cared for by you is an issue, ask yourself if you want her to feel cared for by you.

If you do want your wife to feel cared for, that can be an important thing to vocalize.
Sometimes, simply sincerely sharing your heart with your wife and letting her know that you really do want her to feel cared by you can be helpful.

Of course, depending on how strained your marriage is,  you might want to tell her that with a counselor present. If the pain of not feeling cared by you is intense for your wife, her initial response is likely to very unpleasant.

When I first started telling Gayla that I wanted her to feel cared for by me, she told me things like “If you really cared,  you would not do all the awful things you do.”

That unhelpful response tapped into pain related to my dad. When I was a child, my dad would say, “Don’t tell me that you are sorry.  If you were really sorry, you would not have done it in the first place.” As I have said before, be aware that the stuff that was already in your backpack as you walked down the wedding aisle, can negatively impact your marriage. www.thestuffinyourbackpack.com 

Even if your wife’s initial response is unpleasant, If you truly want your wife to feel cared for by you, tell her. Let her know that is something that you want.

My next marriage article will be titled : Care For Your Wife – Start With This Question. It is is now up – www.CareForYourWifeStartWithThisQuestion.com

I know that facing this issue can be very painful for husbands. I know that it was for me. I hope to equip them with some doable steps a husband can take.

Until then, please know that I am pulling for you and your marriage!

I am Pulling For You and Your Marriage

If I can be of any assistance or encouragement, my marriage email address is battleforagreatmarriage@gmail.com.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.doyouwantyourwifetofeelcaredfor.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com.

God bless,

Pastor Steven

Posted in Do You Feel Cared For by Your Husband?, Does Your Wife Feel Cared by You?, Marriage | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Does Your Wife Feel Cared For?

Posted on November 1, 2011 by

Does Your Wife Feel Cared For?

www.doesyourwifefeelcaredfor.com

This article is written for husbands.

If you have a less than ideal marriage and if you want to start to do your part to see your marriage improve, ask yourself if your wife feels cared for by you.

Better yet – man up – and sit your wife down at the kitchen table and ask her if she feels cared for by you. Say these words – “Do you feel cared for by me?” If you have a less than ideal marriage be prepared for tears, or anger.

If you have a tough marriage, odds are that you wife does not feel cared for by you. In other words, if you want to see your marriage improve, start by addressing this issue.

If I have suggested that you read this article, odds are that your wife does not feel care for by you, and I want you to catch a clue.

If your sex life is less than ideal, odds are that your wife does not feel cared for by you. Yes – the math you just did in your head is correct. The more your wife feels cared for by you, the more great sex you are likely to have with her.

“Feel” Cared For?

Please note – I did not ask if you are caring for your wife. I did not ask if you think that your wife should feel cared for.  I did not ask if you are doing what you think should result in her feeling cared for. I asked if your wife feels cared for by you.

For years I worked “hard” and I did lots of things that I thought should have made my wife Gayla feel cared for.  However, I never took the time to figure whether or not the “wonderful” things I was doing were actually helping her to feel cared for.

Gayla was not blessed by all of my “hard” work. The wonderful things that I thought should have blessed her- didn’t.

Gayla did not feel cared for by me, and I was the one who had to change.

Painfully Common 

IF you knew how many marriages I’ve worked with where the wife does not feel cared for by her husband – you would be shocked.

Yep – It’s That Simple

You want to improve your marriage? Start with this simple question. Simply facing the painful reality that you wife may not feel cared for by you can make a big difference in your marriage.

I am Pulling For You and Your Marriage

If I can be of any assistance or encouragement, my marriage email address is battleforagreatmarriage@gmail.com.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.doesyourwifefeelcaredfor.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com.

God bless,

Pastor Steven


Posted in Does Your Wife Feel Cared by You? | Tagged , | 2 Comments

The Worst Marriage Question

Posted on October 26, 2011 by

The Worst Marriage Question

www.theworstmarriagequestion.com

In the course of my time working with broken marriages I have asked a lot of difficult marriage questions.

The worst marriage question I can ask, is this -”Do you feel cared for by your husband?”

Do You Feel Cared For by Your Husband?

Often when I ask a woman in a Terrible or Dire Marriage  www.terriblemarriage.com   www.diremarriage.com  if she feels cared for by her husband, it very common for her to start crying.

The concert at church was over and I was talking to a woman about her painful marriage. At one point in the conversation I asked her “Do you feel cared for by your husband?” Her eyes welled up, tears ran down her face and my heart broke.

My heart aches when I encounter a married woman who does not feel cared for by her husband. It did not always.

For years my wife Gayla, did not feel cared for by her husband. I went for years ignoring the pain in her heart that only I could relieve.

If your are a wife and if you do not feel cared for by your husband, I know how much my wife was hurt when she was in your shoes. I am sorry that you are facing that challenge. I know how painful that can be.

That Ugly Cry

If I am describing your current journey – I encourage you to own your pain. Journal about it. www.journalforlifechange.com. You are likely to cry. You are likely to experience that kind of ugly cry where snot bubbles come out your nose and you have heaving sobs.

Owning your pain, embracing it and feeling it, will not make it go away. However, honestly owning your pain will dramatically change the intensity of the pain and help you to be more centered,  effective and healthy in the face of this heart wrenching challenge.

If you discover that this article affirms your currently reality and brings sharp clarity to what you have been going though – Please do not talk with husband about this until you have done some work owning your pain.

It is possible that if you talk to your husband about feeling uncared for by him, before you have done some work owning your pain about it, that you might end up saying unhelpful things that only will serve to make a bad situation, even worse.

Start with owning your pain and then go from there.

A Counselor Can Help

If you are in a marriage where you you find that you do not feel cared by your husband, in addition to journaling, you may need to see a competent professional counselor to healthfully own and process your pain about that your marriage.

Further Help Here

Soon there will be 5 articles about this tough topic up on my Battle For a Great Marriage website. My hope is that these five articles will assist you as you begin to healthfully face the challenge of not feeling cared for by your husband.

The remaining 4 articles will be -

#2 Does Your Wife Feel Cared For? (For husbands to help them catch a clue about this tough topic) www.doesyourwifefeelcaredfor.com 

#3 Learn How to Care For Your Wife (another articles for husbands)

#4 It Takes More Than Food and Water (An article that will help husbands understand than wives do not generally feel care for by the husband “working hard” to earn money or “working hard” to provide a better quality of life.)

#5  Forgiving Your Husband. ( An article for wives to help them to do the work of forgiving a husband who has not cared them for years. My wife Gayla is the one who putting this article together.)

I am Pulling For You and Your Marriage

If I can be of any assistance or encouragement, my marriage email address is battleforagreatmarriage@gmail.com.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.theworstmarriagequestion.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com.

God bless,

Pastor Steven

Posted in Dire Marriage, Do You Feel Cared For by Your Husband?, Does Your Wife Feel Cared by You?, Terrible Marriage | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment